How I found a little soul therapy.
I cannot see the ground as I finish my free fall. Upside down, my brain and body are disoriented. My stomach flips along with all its contents. But there is no time for setting things right. Contact with the ground is coming at approximately 6 meters per second, or 13.4 miles per hour. I’m turning my last 180 degrees at more than 450 degrees per second. This means I don’t have time to think. Blue sky is the only thing I see in the final moments.
There is no second-guessing or changing my mind now. I have to trust my body to do what it knows. The final fractions of a second are just enough to question whether or not I’m going to break my body. BAM! My feet make contact. The impact travels up my legs, passing through my bent knees, up my thighs, and stops abruptly in my hips, never able to reach the delicate fibers, bones, and discs in my spine.
My brain catches up to see my arms extended in front of me 90 degrees from my torso, shoulders in perfect alignment with my hips, and my head straight ahead. My feet don’t budge. Nailed it. Despite the fear and twenty-five years, I still had the front flip in me.
Do not try this at home.
Now, let me be clear. Do not try this at home; I did indeed have many years of training in my youth. And honestly, I was scared, and it was a reckless thing to do, which is not like me. Except it used to be.
For years now, I have missed the sport so much that I dream about it. I can feel myself running at full speed into a tumbling pass with hard punches from my legs, 720-degree flips, and twists of my body in the air. It feels completely liberating and a capture of my youth. The last time I flipped, I was 21 years old, when I stopped coaching and moved to a different state. Since then, I have never had access to a gym. And that has been gnawing at me since. But why? Can’t I accept that I’m too old now?
The answer is no. No, I cannot accept that I am too old. My body is still healthy, and I have kept it strong in other ways. I’m realistic about my limitations. Will I do the things I did during my competing years? Absolutely not. What I can do, however, is liberate myself to feel something that lit me up when I was younger. Like my new pair of skates I wrote about in “What Do You Want?”
Granting a child’s wish.
I have been manifesting a trampoline in my life for decades. This I knew would give me flight again, without the death wish of attempting anything on the bare ground. That I am fully realistic about. But due to a lack of money, space, and young kids, it was never within reach or within the realm of logic to have.
When our youngest finally turned twelve and we knew she would understand the strict rules, it was finally time. So, she “got a trampoline for her birthday.” It’s basically true. Although the first time my husband saw me bounce, he knew who the trampoline was actually for.
Who knew soul therapy could be so magical?
Then, something magic happened the other night. My man and I were tired from a long day of work, life, kids, and the final hour of tending the garden, yard, and dishes. I convinced him to come have a bounce with me (on the trampoline ;)). He was a little unsteady, being a middle-aged man with little experience. So we started slow. He was stiff like the tin man, which made me giggle, but after a bit he started loosening up. Then, he started grinning. And the most remarkable thing, his face transformed right before my eyes in a way I had never seen.
I saw my husband at 15 years old. His eyes were wild, like only youth can be. His smile was timid but bent by the sheer joy of a totally new experience. As we bounced in unison, our laughs grew and grew until we were nearly uncontrollable; all the while, those wild young eyes were falling for me for what looked like the very first time. My heart could have burst while I laughed and studied the face I had never seen, having met my husband later in life. A face I have often wished I could have known. And there he was, jumping with the joy and exuberance I had been longing for for so many years. I’m certain that the person he saw laughing across from him was a 15-year-old girl as well.
My friends, go out and do something you used to love. Embrace it, wallow in it, even for a moment. However, do not do a front flip on your kids’ trampoline. I mean it. Maybe just bounce.
Find out more about my journey on my About Me page.
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All images are personal photographs taken and copyrighted by Sue Evergreen.
